Met up with vanessa chee at bedok mac today. As usual, during every study break, we will meet up to do our revision together. I must say she is my best study partner yoh! Haha. I really enjoy studying with her cos will never get distracted. The both of us can be very concentrated in doing our revision.

Hmmm, managed to study 6 chapters of Network Security. I felt that my head is so heavy now, will just explode anytime. Lol. Still got alot more to go. For now, i really wanna focus on my studies. There are a total of 3 papers. I'm really worried cos this is the first time in my poly life that i'm taking 2 papers on the same day. (2 papers on fri and 1 paper on the following mon) Both papers are theory based somemore. I do not know how am i going to study. Like i say, since sec sch, my mum and teacher have told me before that the way i study is wrong, should change the study method. I tried to study just the main point, but i always ended up studying the whole book. To me, every single point is like so important.

Anyway, guess i wont be updating this few days. I really wanna pray for a peaceful and good mind. I pray that i wont get distracted and pray that i have a mind that can remember all the things that i've studied. My Lord, please be with me! Like what jess have told me, "in any ways you felt you're sad or stressed, lean on to Jesus, for He'll never fail you. People may fail, but God will not." Yes, you are my pillar of strength!

I also felt that i should have good attitude in facing every problems in life. I am blessed by what mar have told me. Everyone have its own problems in life, just that the problems i faced may not be the problems the other person faced. Is really the attitude. If you know you have done your best, so yar, dont think about it anymore. Life is not easy, but you just gotta stand strong!

Okay, will stop here. All the best for revision! (:

You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!

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Hmmm, seriously, the feeling of not being trusted, especially by your own family, is really not good at all.

I thought that my mum is the only one that dont understand me, now my dad too. Is kinda sad. They always see the negative side of me. It seems that no matter how hard i try to spend time with them, they just dont sees it. Maybe on my part, i didnt really go deep into their life, wanting to know about what they are doing, never really go care for their life, never really share alot with them. This maybe are what i need to improve on. But i can say it takes time, just like it takes time to heal a broken heart. I can share and will share with people that are close with me. To my parents, not that i dont want to share with them, i just dont know how. It seems like im so far apart from them. But i can share alot with my shen shen(aunt), it seems that is so much easier to share with someone i see once a year than my mum who i see everyday.

My shen shen had given me the feeling that she wants to know more about my life and cares about me. When i was in malaysia, besides my grandma, she is the only one that will really sit down and talk to me, hearing me out. At first, i dont really feel comfortable talking to her, cos i know she wants to talk to me about church staff again. I know my parents have been telling them about me going church and staff. But as we continue talking, i feel comfortable talking to my shen shen. She gives me the feeling that she understand and really care. Though she also disagree some of the things, at least she talked to me in a nice way and respect me, respect my decision. I really enjoyed sharing with her. Hmmm, how i hope my mum will be like her. Someone once said, "We cannot choose our own parents, but to love them as who they are."

Many a times, including myself, will always think that someone else parents is so much better than our own parents. But come to think about it, i feel we are so much "xin fu", at least we still have parents than those children without parents. We should love and treasure them.

To me, i will still love my parents. But like i say, it takes time to heal. All the fear my mum had given to me, its not that easy to forget and release it. I still cannot bring myself to share with her or even my dad. To my mum, not that i want to compare, but she treats my sister and brother so much better than me. Maybe deep in her, she hates me for being the cause for the quarrel to her and my dad when i was young. Its a long story. It also hurts me when my mum said that i dont even care for this family at all.

I hate to see myself being sad, moody, angry, stress, frastruated, jealous, depress, worry and fear so much. I tell myself, life is not easy as i think, but will try my best to be happy. Jia You! (:

* I trust in you, My Lord! (:

Some Update!

Seriously, i really miss my hometown alot alot and ALOT! (:

Went back to malaysia on the 25 jan and came back to singapore on the 28 jan. The three days plus in malaysia have been a great one. I feel more relax, is like no stress at all. Haha! Dont have to always think about projects, Projects and PROJECTS!!! LOL.

I ate alot too when i was in malaysia. All the chinese new year food! Yummy yummy yummy! Though i know is fattening, who cares, chi le zai shuo. Haha.

I love playing with my cousins. ZOMG! They are ohsocute! Though some of them may be young in age, but i feel they are so mature and talented. I really amired one of my cousin, Jia Yi. She is the only child. She is so clever and hardworking, always getting the top in class and she is so talented. She know how to play piano, recite poetry and swimming. WOW! If only i know how to play piano... Haha! I WANNA LEARN PIANO! Can anyone teach me? LOL!

So basically, have fun there and i really miss my grandma! Is only when i am with her, i can really just be myself. I dont have to worry or fear so much. Come to think about it, is really good to be children. Adult life is not easy as i think. But still, everyone have to grow up!

I LOVE AND MISS MY HOMETOWN! (:

I'm so so so disappointed with myself, disappointed with the results i've gotten this sems for my quizzes and term test. I failed most of my quizzes. I did study for it but i do not know why i still failed. Is either i don't understand it or i study the wrong way.

I really "xian mu" those people that really improve on their grades. I do see people improving as each sems goes by. As for me, instead of improving my grades, i kept dropping on my grades.

Seriously, i am worried for my results. I wanna do well, wanna get at least a GPA of 3. But now, looking at my results, im far far far away from my target. What should i do? :(

Guess what i should do right now is to WORK HARD. I really pray that i'm able to score well for my main exams. Please My Lord, I NEED YOUR HELP!

I'm left with this last chance, the main exams, to help me pull up my grades. I really hope that i'm able to do it. In two weeks time, i will be having my main exams. Its like so fast and i've yet started on my revision.

Left with two more presentation, NetSec and Broadband! Please ST, hang on there! Jia you! (:

*I need you, wo de shou hu tian shi! (: